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I also want a guy who truly gets my kind of crazy and accepts me for who I am. “Some girls feel like there’s no one out there, so if they meet a guy they’ll just latch on,” she says.“With Tinder, you could latch on, but you’re probably curious about the 10 other guys who are on your phone.” Christina shows me all the prospects in her inbox: 704 notifications.Our inbox repartee is strong at first, but soon fizzles.I vow to widen my search beyond my usual type—quirky, artsy, mad-impoverished—which has only brought me dissatisfaction in the past.DAY 8: QUICK AND DIRTY I dress in my best Zooey Deschanel outfit for a speed-dating event put on by a company called Fast Life that promises I have a 90-percent chance of getting at least one match.The venue is a lounge with white couches, mirrored walls and approximately 30 chandeliers.A doctor goes on a bizarre rant about proper language use. Afterward, I check “yes” on a physics teacher and a guy who tells me he was so nervous he almost didn’t come tonight. My comic friend tells me it’s a great way to meet guys.“I was drinking at a bar across the street,” he confesses, “and I told myself that I could either drink here alone or walk across the street and meet somebody great.” I pat him lightly on the arm. The next day, though, I get an email from Fast Life saying neither of my choices matched me back. We stand in a circle, repeating our names in silly voices. I admit that at 27, relationships are mostly a process of failing upward.
The last time I wrote a wish list was in high school.DAY 2: VAMPIRESUNDAY I set up an Ok Cupid profile under the name “vampiresunday.” (It’s a play on the band Vampire Weekend, which I hope will appeal to indie rockers who own yachts.) I fill out endless questionnaires, telling the algorithm I’m a neurotic writer with thick thighs, ADD and a degree in cinema studies. ” Many others ask for my favourite taco restaurants and acclaimed cable TV shows.According to Ok Cupid, I am “More Independent,” “Less Love-Driven” and “Less Conventionally Moral” than the average user. I exchange messages with an arborist who calls himself “eating_almonds.” On his profile he admits to shoplifting Bioré pore strips, which I find oddly attractive.But I did not feel fun or flirty—I was sad and I wanted to eat all of the cheese.While I was enjoying the comfort of mutual spooning, dating had entered a new high-volume, high-speed era in which 20-somethings like me could land five dates a week just by swiping right on their phones. Neither did Lulu, a forum in which women review the dateability of male Facebook friends using hashtags like #Wants Kids Yesterday, nor the dozens of other new digital dating tools. And so, in the spirit of total immersion (and ripping off the Band-Aid), I dove off my couch and into the world of modern dating for 10 comfort-zone-destroying days. DAY 1: WORKING UP THE NERVE I meet Sofi Papamarko for a coffee.